You may have heard someone say, “haters gonna hate.” However, is it so easy to respond with that when someone criticizes the sugar lifestyle you have come to enjoy? Some people come at the sugar lifestyle, and people involved in it, without realizing they are hurting anyone. Sometimes it may be someone who has the security of voicing their vitriol behind a computer screen. Other times, it could be a guy who is salty about the fact that he can’t be a Sugar Daddy. Or it could just be someone who is jealous of you. It may be easier said than done to tell you to not let it get to you. At the end of the day, the only person whose opinion matters is your own (not even your Sugar Daddy’s opinion is as important as yours!). However, regardless of whether you are just dipping your toe in the sugar bowl, or have been in the life a while, knowing how to deal with things that we hear often can be useful.
One of the most common things we hear is that Sugar Babies only care about the money. While money is an important thing in life, you can easily shrug this off. If it were only about money, you probably wouldn’t be involved in the sugar bowl. Think of a Sugar Daddy (or potential Sugar Daddy) – is money the only appealing aspect? Probably not. Your average Sugar Daddy is a mature guy who is also confident, secure, successful, and knows how to treat his partner just right. Who wouldn’t want that? (And, that is quite possibly why someone may be throwing shade your way – they are likely jealous!) We all have things that we are attracted to and care about, for some people that is looks and for others it is security.
Another common criticism is one that attacks your intelligence. Being a Sugar Baby isn’t downplaying your intelligence – it’s truly about knowing how to value yourself as a person. Think of all the ways that you can financially take care of yourself; you could basically work for some random person that you never see, making them rich, while you make a paltry salary. Instead, being a Sugar Baby is a pretty smart move! You get to have plenty of time to work on whatever you want and make money for yourself. You are in charge of your life. Also, being a Sugar Baby isn’t just about looks – it takes an intelligent, and witty woman to do this, one just like you.
Something I heard often when I first started out as a Sugar Baby was that I was a prostitute. Now, there is nothing wrong with sex work of any kind whatsoever, but if you were to tell a stripper that she was a prostitute she might get mad. If someone tries equating what you do as a Sugar Baby with prostitution, try to not get mad (in fact, your anger may be exactly the response that they are looking for – so, try to stay level headed if you encounter this type of response from someone). Don’t shame someone for their choice, should they choose to be a prostitute. However, what you are doing isn’t just about sex (and honestly, what you are doing behind closed doors with consenting adults is honestly not anyone else’s business). What you are doing isn’t work – you are in a relationship. What is so different from other relationships? Sure, you do get money, but that allowance isn’t anyone’s business but yours, unless they are sharing a bank account with you.
Another common misconception is that Sugar Babies don’t really care about their Sugar Daddies. Now, that is just not true at all. Does that mean that there is anything wrong with you if you aren’t in love with your Sugar Daddy? No, of course not! Not everyone in a relationship is in love with the other person, and there’s nothing wrong with that. What feelings are going on in your relationship is only the business of you and your Sugar Daddy – if anyone else wants to know, you can simply smile and ask, “why is that so important to know?”
Now, what do you say if someone rolls their eyes at you and suggests that instead of being a Sugar Baby, you get a “real” job? Perhaps respond and ask them to define what a “real” job is. Again, you are free to ask them why this is so important to them to know. You might ask if they enjoy their own job. Usually, when people talk about a job, they aren’t talking about something they enjoy doing. A career is another matter. Also, there are all different types of jobs that people hold – some people like to work 60 hours a week, while others are straight 9-5’ers, and yet others prefer the freelance life. What’s important is that you enjoy life, are happy, and are getting your bills paid – other than that, what do they need to know (and quite frankly, they don’t even need to know that!)? Most likely, they see you living the lifestyle and freedom they wish they had and want to bring you down to their level.
One of the most upsetting things for me to hear, as someone with an extensive background in women’s studies, was that by being a Sugar Baby I wasn’t a feminist. Now, if anyone says that to you, please feel free to shut them down. Actually, feel free to ask them what exactly makes a feminist. Everyone can feel free to define that word for themselves and don’t knock what someone else uses to define feminism for themselves. Remember, at the end of the day, the only person that you have to make happy is yourself; you aren’t living your life for someone else. Feminism for me has a lot to do with empowerment and being a Sugar Baby empowered me in more ways than I can count. Plus, someone knocking me for my choices is very anti-feminist.
You might hear all sorts of other things – some awful, and some will be empowering and wonderful. You might end up hearing friends who tell you that they wish they could do this. You can decide with time who you want to tell and who you don’t. If you’re anything like me, you will end up with friends who ask you with wide-eyed looks about what it’s like (I suggest only answer what you are comfortable with others knowing). You might also end up finding out that other friends of yours are involved in the sugar life too! Remember, as long as what you are doing is safe and makes you happy, it shouldn’t matter to anyone else what you are doing.