Learning how to confidently be assertive is a skill that not every Sugar Baby has, but it is something that any good Sugar Baby can learn to develop. You can even find it to be useful in other aspects of your life besides sugar dating, too. Being able to say “no” and stand up for yourself is something that I encourage all of my friends to do, and it is definitely a skill that I had to learn the hard way. I find that many Sugar Babies, when they start out want to be a pleaser and be an agreeable kind of lady. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be considerate and please your Sugar Daddy or potential Sugar Daddy. However, it is important to not be a doormat and be able to stand up for yourself. Also, I cannot stress enough that no should always means no. Don’t say no when you mean yes to be cute or coy because eventually, you won’t be taken seriously when you really mean no.
Learning to say no and be assertive can be a tricky thing to learn, however it is something that can be useful to cultivate. It is possible to say “no” without being rude, and I promise that it gets easier with practice (if you are the type of person who worries it will be tricky to do correctly). Remember saying “no” can be a sentence in and of itself and doesn’t always require an explanation. If you are worried that saying “no” will offend or annoy a reasonable and understanding Sugar Daddy, it’s okay to say why you are saying “no” to him. If you are saying “no” because a request of a Sugar Daddy goes against one of your personal rules or values, simply explain that. If you laid out those rules early on, then this “no” should not be a difficult answer for him to digest.
Remember, it’s often much easier to give a firm “no” then to say a “yes” that you don’t mean. When I say that, I mean don’t say “yes” when you really mean “maybe” or “no”. When in doubt, be firm and don’t waiver from your bottom line. Remember: you are not required to say “yes” to anyone, even a wealthy Sugar Daddy. If he cannot respect no on something simple, he’s not going to accept it on something more important. A mutually beneficial arrangement should be built on trust and respect. This means respecting when we don’t always get exactly what we want from someone. Also, when you change no to maybe or yes, frequently, it is going to tell him that you’ll give in with enough pressure, which doesn’t give him a reason to respect it when you say no.
No one likes someone who turns them down in a very negative way. You can keep your demeanor upbeat or pleasant, yet, still be firm in your delivery. Don’t say “maybe” if you know it is never going to be near a “yes.” I am a firm believer in enthusiastic consent, and I think of this as another extension of that.
When I say “enthusiastic consent”, I mean that it isn’t a mumbled “yes”, or a half hearted maybe. After all, who wants a Sugar Baby who is always looking down or not happy to be with their Sugar Daddy? This is not to say that you can’t have days where you aren’t as happy. Further, if you are not the bouncy, bubbly type of personality, there is no reason to change who you are (I for one am less constantly smiling, but when I’m happy, then you definitely know it!). However, think of someone you know who is never really that happy – maybe they aren’t always a downer, but they seem difficult to please. Go ahead and think of how you feel around them. Is that someone that you think a Sugar Daddy would want to choose to spoil? Most likely not.
Now, if you’re like me at all, “no” is one of those very difficult words! You don’t have to say it just as “no”, but “no, thank you” works or even “I’m not interested, but good luck in your search!” It doesn’t take much effort to add a smile and send some positive energy out there into the world. If you are still unsure about telling someone no, it’s okay to practice with a friend. As silly as it may sound, some people find it helpful to stand in front of a mirror and watch themselves give it a go.
If the problem isn’t turning down a particular Sugar Daddy but turning down a particular request or activity, you can offer alternatives instead of a flat refusal. Let’s say you don’t want to go to a museum. You could say, “I’m not feeling like walking around much today, why don’t we see a movie, instead?” Or if he’s pressuring you to do something you aren’t ready to do such as have sex or a sexual activity or kink that scares you, you could try saying, “I’m not ready for that, yet, but perhaps, we could go out for coffee or a dessert, and you can tell me more about your interests.”
Occasionally you will run into a guy who just can’t take a hint. If you have tried being gentle, it’s okay to be firm with this type of guy. Don’t keep talking to him – just be stern, but polite, and to the point. “Thank you for the offer, but I’m not interested. Have a good evening!” is an acceptable answer for a potential Sugar Daddy, who is pursuing you and not taking hints that you are dropping or even polite ways that you are turning him down. You might remind him that not respecting no is not going to make him look better in your eyes or make you more inclined to accept his offer.